just come out here and I will go home with you...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
