Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
