i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
