my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
