the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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