apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
