im having a threesome with these popsicles
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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