Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
