there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
