I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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