We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk is a universal language darling
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
