Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
