i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
