Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
