Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dignity is for republicans.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
