did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
