Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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