Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Mom said you looked used
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
