May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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