i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
