I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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