Don't you send me to vm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
