watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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