i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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