i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
