Duck Duck Cougar?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
