If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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