there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
