she woke up with a sticky ear
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
