Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
