If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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