go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
