before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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