It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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