So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
