i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
