i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
