its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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