Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
