just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
