so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
