I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
