i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
