upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
