You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
