Jerry, you need to find god
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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