Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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