That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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