his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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