shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Operation Purity has been aborted
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
