Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
