I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I love you.
Bad choice
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