If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
