saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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