i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
